


que soy la dueña de tu corazón (pero alguien más está en tu habitación)

by Valery_Snowflakes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, that's the catch, they're not actually soulmates tho'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 22:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12095274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valery_Snowflakes/pseuds/Valery_Snowflakes
Summary: They've been through one hundred universes where it wasn't meant to work out.





	que soy la dueña de tu corazón (pero alguien más está en tu habitación)

Phil knows Dan is not his soulmate.

  He knows it when they're twenty two and flying through the Pacific Ocean so they can go to film some scenes in Mexico, he knows it when Dan's seventeen and calls him on the phone, voice dripping with excitement as he chants over and over _"I did it, fuck, Phil, I fucking did it! There's a video and it's there and..."_. He knows it when his lion tattoo and Dan's llama never collide, never fully gain colour. He knows it when they're both on black hoverbikes trying to outrun the system and he knows it when Dan tells him in between kisses that sometimes he feels butterflies in his stomach while looking at someone else.

  He knows Dan and him aren't meant to be, not in any version of reality he's come across with, anyway. He's lived a thousand lives and in none of them has he ever been Dan Howell's. However, that doesn't stop him from always chasing after him. That doesn't stop him from asking him to stay the night and to stay his whole life, too. It doesn't stop him from running his fingers through the soft curls and whispering _"the day you find them, I'll love them, too"_ the same way it doesn't stop Dan from saying _"I don't want you to love them, I want you to love me"_ and Phil's heart breaks a little each time because he's loved a boy into not loving his soulmates.

  Sure, it's hurt on many occasions. Seeing Dan return to the flat heartbroken and with a full coloured llama has never been easy, nor it ever will. Seeing as his own clock comes to full zeroes when redhead woman bumps into him at the lift has left him shattered, coming back to Dan with an empty  _"I met them"_ and a broken _"I can't love them"_ has never been easy, and hearing Dan whisper " _I'm sure someone out there needs me, but I need you and that's so selfish. I'm making four people miserable by being here but you're just so perfect I can't find it in myself to stop"_ over and over is just like tracing patterns on skin with a dagger and chugging down the scarlet liquid in one go because he's fucking thirsty and can never bring himself to stop.  
  
  Phil's gotten kind of addicted to it, he thinks, there's no other possible explanation for trying to ruin someone's love life over and over in favour of yourself. He's gotten addicted to Dan, to the thrill of having something that isn't really his — and he knows Dan has, too, there's no other real explanation for whatever they are doing.

  But he can't quite bring himself to stop when Dan urges him not to, when he's so adamant and insistent with _"if the multiverse theory is true, you and I must be soulmates. Somewhere, somehow, someplace, just not now"_. And Phil doesn't know if that's poetic or downright depressing but he's found out he doesn't care, not really. Not if there's ever the slightest chance of them ending together.

  It hurts to love Dan, he thinks, it's unfair and selfish and it feels too much like cheating, but he's found out it hurts even more trying to stick by the rules and love his soulmate. He's tried, a couple of times, to keep his hands off of someone else's lover, but it never feels right. He's tried to love the people he's supposed to but it just never feels meant to be, and Dan has voiced that, too. _"I don't like it when you pretend not to love me, Philly, don't do that"_ and Phil doesn't want to, either, so he doesn't and he does and he loves Dan but doesn't love his soulmate and it's fucking twisted but he likes it and, _hey_ , life was never meant to be easy in the first place, love either.

  He's been chased and segregated and killed but he's also been with Dan so fate can go fuck himself because he's always going to find a way to break the system and he's always gonna love him like it was meant to happen even though it wasn't.

  They're never really going to be soulmates, and Phil's twenty six and on ice and out of the corner of his eyes he can see Dan trying up his laces and walking into the rink like he owns it because he probably does, just as he owns Phil's heart and just as he owns his right to not love his soulmate.

  It's hard, Phil realizes way too early for his liking, not being meant to be together but doing it either way because life's just too short to do what everyone else does, but somehow they've always made it work and it kind of amazes him, how far they've managed to come.

  He's seventeen and biting his own hand and Dan's right next to him, cutting his wrist and screaming in agony as the lightning strikes, they're thirty three and in the supermarket and just as Phil leans down to kiss the top of his husband's head he concludes that maybe this is okay, maybe he can love whoever he wants to and he can choose just the boy he wants to in as many realities as he wants to and maybe, if he's lucky, maybe once they'll actually be meant to stay together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed my first Phanfic! English isn't my first language, so I'd like to apologize for any grammar mistakes and would greatly appreciate feedback! 
> 
> You can come over and say hi to me on Tumblr: valery-snowflakes or on Twitter: ValeryHowlter :D
> 
> Title's from Jesse & Joy — La de la mala suerte


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